It is my professional opinion that the #1 ingredient for a healthy baby is not mother’s milk … it is a healthy and happy mother!
I am a lactation professional and a breastfeeding advocate. So, what I am about to tell you is likely to get me into some hot water with several breastfeeding organizations.
It is my professional opinion that the #1 ingredient for a healthy baby is not mother’s milk … it is a healthy and happy mother!
Let me tell you a quick story. I had a patient Lilly, who was a new mother of 2-weeks to precious baby Adelai. Lilly fit many stereotype of an earth-Mama. She was passionate about having a medication-free delivery, and was successful! She had read countless books while pregnant and was devoted to creating the perfect organic life for her little angel. She, obviously, was determined to breastfeed for at least 12 months. 14 days after Adelai was born, the two of them were still having serious difficulty with breastfeeding. Lilly was determined to breastfeed “even if it killed her”. When I saw Lilly in person (we had spoken on the phone several times before then), she did not look well. Every mother of a 2-week old is un-showered and sleep-deprived, but Lilly was more seriously worn. Adelai was not gaining weight well and the emotional stress, constant worry, self-inflicted guilt, and sheer effort to pumping was clearly draining Lilly. In short, she was defeated and had lost her spark … and it was affecting her baby.
Babies are extremely intuitive and emotional creatures, especially sensitive to the moods of their mothers. How often have you handed your baby over to that relative who protests “babies hate me!” just to see that it’s true! This is because if you are anxious or nervous …. or resentful or angry …. A baby can sense that negative energy and will react. This is why babies often DO begin to cry when they are given to a person who is nervous or anxious. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Lilly’s self-sacrificial attitude is practically universal in new mothers. They will make themselves zombies if they think it will have the least benefit to their baby. This is the amazing nature of motherhood. However, Moms need to understand how much their health matters to their little baby! That baby needs you to be alert, interactive, and calm when you cuddle. S/he is depending on you for emotional stability and feelings of love that or un-interrupted by worry or resentment. In other words, your baby is depending on you to take care of yourself so that you can properly care for your baby.
Babies often DO begin to cry when they are given to a person who is nervous or anxious. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Another common but less talked-about scenario is Emily’s story. Emily is a mother of 3 boys, all under the age of 4. Aden, her 3 month old son, is still exclusively breastfed. He is healthy and growing well, but still nurses roughly 8 times per day and every night at 3AM. Emily’s 4-year old boy, Tyler, has mild autism and she provides full-time care for all 3 boys. She would never admit it out loud, but Emily is struggling bonding with Aden. Mostly due to the sheer exhaustion of her responsibilities and interrupted sleep, she is often resentful of having to nurse so frequently and being the only source of food for Aden. When she has these feelings, she then feels very guilty and commits herself to being a martyr for her boys. However, Aden picks up on these emotions of resentment, anxiety and guilt and it affects his temperament. Additionally, her constant self-inflicted guilt and shame about her feelings don’t improve her ability to bond with him. This helps perpetuates the cycle.
Emily’s story is not as unusual as you may think. With postpartum hormones affecting mother’s moods, emotions like frustration, resentment, anxiety and depression are common. We simply don’t talk about it enough! Here is my issue. If providing some formula will ease some of this strain and improve maternal mood and her ability to bond with her child, the benefits outweigh the risk!
Both of these women were NOT helping their babies by killing themselves in their breastfeeding efforts.
After bravely confiding in a good girlfriend, Emily decided to start providing Aden with a bottle of formula for his 3AM feeding a few days a week. Daddy could handle this. The few nights of uninterrupted sleep were like a miracle for her whole family. She was better able to care for all 3 of her boys. After 3 weeks of better sleep, she was finally able to look at Aden with the adoring coos she had always wished for.
And remember Lilly? She also decided to provide Adelai with a little formula twice a day after nursing to be sure she was receiving enough calories to grow. After receiving my “permission” to do this, she seemed to collapse in relief. Of course she never needed my permission at all. But, but she had placed so much pressure on herself to provide nothing but breastmilk that it became an all-consuming issue for her. Hearing my support of her decision seemed to breathe new life into her. I followed up 1 –week later and Lilly and Adelai were new women. Lilly was still nursing several times a day and providing three bottles. She was a totally different woman. She had regained her old spark and positive outlook and this change noticeably affected her interaction with Adelai as well.
Again, I’ll state that I am a die-hard breastfeeding advocate. However, I truly believe that there are many scenarios when providing some formula relieves so much maternal stress and anxiety that they are better mothers for it! This was definitely the case for both Lilly and Emily. The natural self-sacrificing tendency of all mothers combined with societal pressures to breastfeed and unrealistic social ideals of the modern super-women, mixed all-together with postpartum hormones is the perfect recipe for a defeated mother. Your baby deserves a healthy happy mother, not a defeated one. The lactation-police may take me away in handcuffs for saying it, but I’ll repeat:
The #1 ingredient for a healthy baby is not mother’s milk … it is a healthy and happy mother!
I know this may be a controversial idea… I would love to hear your opinions and stories in the comments below.
My 6month old son has been on Similac Pro sensitive however it’s out of stock everywhere. Are there any alternative formulas that I can use that won’t mess with his formula tolerance? Maybe something with same ingredients, diff brand? Please advise.
Hey mama
Thanks for your question. This is Emily, Dr. Young’s assistant. You could try Similac Sensitive or 360 Total Care Sensitive. They all have the same protein source (intact whey/casein ratios are the same), the same Carbohydrate Blend, the same Fat Blend but the sexy ingredients vary a bit. Pro Sensitive has Prebiotic: 2FL (HMO) & FOS and Lutein. Sensitive has Prebiotics: GOS and Lutein. And 360 Total Care has Prebiotic: Blend of 5 HMO* and Lutein. You can read more about designer ingredients here.
As always, chat with your child’s doctor, take changes slowly and you are doing great!
Emily
Hello my name is jessica howard .i was wondering if u can help me with sending a couple cases of my sons formula its similac alimentum please and thank u
Hey Jessica
This is Emily, Dr. Young’s assistant. Unfortunately, we aren’t a formula company. Dr. Young just provides this service to mothers and caregivers so you can learn about how to pick the formula for your little one. If you are struggling and need help saving money on your formula here is a great video that offers tips for how to save. As always check with your child’s doctor first as they may have samples in their own office!
Thanks mama
Hi doc
My infant is 7 weeks and I am breastfeeding and his taking simlac total comfort.
I bought stage 2 instant of stage 1 and i noticed now when I can’t get him to sleep, ihave feed him for a day.
What should I do.
Am so stressed.
Tahepo
This is Emily, Dr. Young’s assistant. I am so sorry this is delayed and I know your little one is much older now but I wanted to share this info in case others are in the same position. This is an excellent resource for what to start with and you can watch a formula feeding from birth video here that also is great.
As always, talk to your child’s doctor, take your changes slowly and you are doing awesome
Emily
Hi Dr. Young! My baby was just born on 11/10 and for many unforeseen reasons I was unable to successfully breastfeed. None the less I was devastated so I truly enjoyed reading this article. I am now home and trying to settle in and have a question that I can not find the answer to anywhere, hope you can help. In the hospital I switched from donor milk to the Similac Advanced Pro samples they gave me yesterday. Now that I am home, my sister brought over a can of Similar Advanced and I have given the baby a couple bottles so far and honestly just noticing now that it is not the same as the hospital samples of the pro I was feeding her yesterday.
I have read about that “new” HMO ingredient in the similac pro but my big question is, in an overall sense which formula is better Similar Advanced or Similar Advanced Pro? Does the HMO make the “Pro” superior in your opinion? She didn’t seem to have any issues with either and want to be consistent with what I am feeding her moving forward.
THANK YOU!
Congratulations Lana! That is so exciting!! here is a video that gives you all the details about the HMO, so you can make an informed decision: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCiYh5FYx-Q
If your baby is exclusively formula fed, and you can afford it (which is a big IF!) then I’d stick with the Pro Advanced. But watch the video, consider your budget, and let your mommy intuition guide you. There is no wrong answer here. Enjoy those newborn snuggles!
I needed to read this because I’ve been crying for the past 10 days due to the fact that I can not breastfeed my baby. I have breastfed my daughter who is currently 3 weeks old only for 7 days because I developed a mastitis and I had to be put on antibiotics. I’ve had this issue before with my son who is now 2.5 years old. I only breastfed him for 10 months because I kept getting mastitis and had to take antibiotics anyways with that being said it’s a reoccurring thing that happens to my body because of many reasons.
One main reason is because I have no immediate family here to help me in any way so I have a lot on my plate taking care of household and 3 kids it’s not easy
Second is that I tend to lose a lot of weight when I nurse I was 100 pounds with my son and kept losing and losing more my body becomes weak. These past 10 days have been very hard on me because at first I didn’t want to breastfeed however when I gave birth and looked st her I knew I wanted to give her all that I can but I couldn’t and that made me extremely sad and broke my heart. I felt like the biggest failure. Reading this just gave me tears of happiness and understanding that she will grow into a beautiful young lady and healthy on formula as well as my other kids have on breast milk. They need me to be healthy and strong! Thank you very much
Hi Lavinia, reading this brought tears to MY eyes. YES!! Your precious angel needs you healthy and strong for her! Mothers truly have the hardest job – especially when our angels are young and numerous 🙂 Keep up the great work Mama! You are not alone!
Thank you, this is a very inspiring article.
As mothers, we should be embracing other mothers no matter the choices they make. It isn’t a breastfeeding or formula feeding debate, but about accepting that we do what is best for our families at that time and that might not be what is best for others.
It was something I wanted to achieve, because I wanted the best for my baby, but exclusively breastfeeding didn’t work out for the two of us. So I started supplementing, which was a great way for my partner to get involved in the feeding process and for me to get some time off.
Nowadays there are formulas that are very close to breast milk. Also, many websites like http://www.myorganicformula.com offer only organic formulas, which are GMO-free and without chemicals.
It is important that we accept the decisions of other mothers and to not put pressure on them, if they don’t match with ours.
All the best,
Whitney
Hi Whitney, Thanks so much! I couldn’t agree more! Our value as mothers has nothing to do with how we choose to feed our babies. My best to you and your family,
Bridget